Life is difficult. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly accept and understand it - then life is no longer difficult, because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.  Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs.  When we avoid the truth and the suffering we also avoid the growth that it can bring.  The tendency to avoid or postpone emotional suffering is the primary basis of or mental illness.

 

When we tell white lies we make a serious moral decision.  A white lie is a statement we make that is not in itself a false, but lacks a significant part of the truth, and may be every bit as destructive as black ones.  Usually withholding truth arises from a desire to protect children from unnecessary pain.  Yet more often than not such “protection” is unsuccessful.  Children know consciously or unconsciously that things are not right, therefore when truth is withheld it is not protection, but deprivation. Depriving them of the truth deprives them of the opportunity to learn to deal with life, and they must learn to deal with life.  They are also deprived of the reassurance they would receive if these topics were discussed more openly.  They are deprived of role models of openness and honesty,and are provided instead with role models of partial honesty, incomplete openness, and limited courage.  And they are deprived of the confidence that they are being told the truth at all times.  This can lead to mistrust of adults and other people, and to a life-long sense of anxiety.

 

The desire to protect children is often motivated by genuine, albeit misguided love.  Parents are saying in effect, “Look, kids, you go on being children with childish concerns, and leave the adult concerns up to us.” This deprives the children of preparing themselves for adult life.

 

There are times when knowledge must be suppressed, but it is a serious thing to do so.  What rules can one follow if one is dedicated to truth?  First, never speak a falsehood.  Second, bear in mind that the act of withholding truth is always potentially a lie and is a significant moral decision.  Third, the decision to withhold truth should never be based on our own needs, but entirely upon the needs of the person from whom the truth is being withheld.  Fourth, the key assessment we have to make is of the person’s capacity to handle the truth.  It should be borne in mind that our tendency is generally to under-estimate rather than over-estimate this capacity.

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The fundamental principle of ethics is that when you are faced with two evils, and you have to make a choice, you always choose the lesser of the two evils. For example, if you were hiding some Jews in your basement during the Second World War, and the SS arrived at your door and demanded to know if you were hiding Jews, you would be faced with two evils: telling a lie, or betraying the Jews. Obviously, you would tell the lie.

 

But it's very sad to be put in that position.

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The primary tool of mental health is commitment to reality - to face the truth, and to want to know the truth at all times. This should be our guiding principle in life, for ourselves and in our relationships with others. And we should want it for others, and do all we can to help others to find and to face truth. Therefore, it is always a serious moral decision to withhold truth from another.